“False beliefs prevent us from taking care

Caring for yourself is not only pleasant little things like massage and manicure. Sometimes we are talking about staying at home during illness, not to forget to clean, to do the necessary things in time. Sometimes sit down and listen to yourself. Psychologist Jamie Stew talks about why you need to do this.

I work with women suffering from disturbing disorders, in constant stress, consisting in co -dependent relations that survived the traumatic events. Every day


I hear from five to ten stories of women who do not care about themselves, put someone else’s well -being above their own and believe that even the simplest care of themselves are not worthy.

Often this is because they were inspired in the past. Often they continue to inspire this for themselves and hear such words from others.

Speaking about taking care of myself, I mean what is necessary for survival: sleep, food. It is amazing how many women and men are not sprinkled, they are malnourished or eaten, but at the same time they care about others all day. Most often they find themselves in my office, when they are not able to take care of others. They are bad, they are not capable of anything.

Sometimes they still try to continue to live and work, as if nothing had happened, because of this they begin to make more mistakes that can be avoided by ensuring minimal care.

Why don’t we care about ourselves? Often this is due to the beliefs that we have no right to do something for ourselves

Why strong and smart women do not care about themselves at all? Often this is due to their internal beliefs regarding whether they have the right to do something for themselves.

“This is selfishness. I would be a bad mother. I need my family more. No one except me will wash and wash the dishes. I have no time. I have to take care of them. I have four children. My mother is sick “.

What is internal beliefs? This is what we consider truths that are not subject to doubt. What did our parents teach us, who were taught by grandparents, and so during many generations. This is a strict voice of the mother that you heard in childhood (or maybe you still hear). These beliefs are manifested when we understand that we made a mistake. When we feel good, they appear through self -conservation.

Many look like this: “I’m not good enough (a). I do not deserve … I am bad (aya), loser (ts). I will never be as good as good as . I am not worthy (not worthy) more “.

When such internal beliefs appear in us, it usually seems to us that we should do more for others, more or better to take care of them. This supports a vicious circle: we care about others, ignoring our own needs. What if you try something else?

What if the next time you hear the inner voice of negative beliefs, you will not listen to it? Notice, recognize their existence and spend some time to understand what they want or demand.

“Hey, you, the inner voice that inspires me that I am a fool (K). I hear you. Why are you returning all the time? Why do you always pursue me as soon as something happens to me? What do you need?”

Or softer:

“I hear you – a voice that forever criticizes me. When you do this, I feel . What can we do to get along with each other?”

Most often, deep beliefs are those parts of you who could not get what they needed. You have so well learned to drive your unrealized desires and needs inside that you stopped trying to realize them or satisfy them. Even when no one interfered with you, they did not hear their call.

What if you look at the care of yourself as a love story for oneself? The story of how to establish contact with your inner child and take care of him as their real children. You force children to miss lunch so that they can do more things or lessons? Shout at your colleagues if they are sitting at home because of the flu? If a sister tells you that she needs to take a break from the care of your seriously ill mother, you will scold her for it? No.

Exercise. Treat yourself for several days as you would treat a child or friend. Be kind to yourself, listen and hear and take care of yourself.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *